Never Be Alone Read online

  “I’m back, Salt,” Madi sang out as she approached. When she saw Joon was awake, she said, “Sorry I left you with him. It’s not often I can go to the bathroom without lugging all of my things and Salt with me.”

  Joon pinched her lips together. “What makes you think that you can trust me? What if I stole your stuff or hurt your kid?”

  Madi shook her head and shrugged. “You wouldn’t.”

  Joon sat up and lifted her chin. “How do you know that? You don’t know anything about me.”

  “Okay. You’re right, but you’re not right. You see, Joon, you don’t carry yourself like a badass. Plus, you have a sadness in your eyes. If you were dangerous, I would see anger, not sadness.”

  “What does that even mean? How do you see sadness in my eyes?”

  “I can’t describe it. I only know that I looked the same way when Salt’s dad left me. I was really sad and confused and scared. I bet you feel that way right now. Don’t you?”

  Joon flushed and nodded.

  “No big deal. Things always get better. Right, Salt?”

  “Yeah, Mommy.” The boy threw his arms around his mother’s neck.

  “You better go get washed up, Joon. Breakfast is soon, and then we’ll have to get out of here.”

  Joon stood and looked down at her meager belongings. “You’ll watch my stuff for me?”

  “You bet. Go ahead and we’ll wait right here until you come back.”

  As Joon walked to the bathroom, her new freedom was overshadowed by deep sadness. She was grateful to Tony for her new start, but as she tried to celebrate her liberation, her thoughts were consumed by Tori—who she had left behind, who had been forced to take Joon’s place.

  Chapter Fifty-Six

  The cold of the early morning hit Joon as she exited the shelter. She looked up and down the street, not sure of what she was looking for and not knowing where to go. Having her freedom was the greatest feeling in the world, but now, out on the streets, she wasn’t sure of anything.

  “Where are you going?” Madi asked, coming up behind her.

  “I’m not sure. I used to live on the other side of the city. I learned where to get food and I had friends. I don’t know much about this area.”

  Madi patted Joon on the back. “The first thing you need to do is make a plan. What’s your next step? I mean, after you leave the shelter?”

  Joon shrugged. “I haven’t had a lot of time to think about it.”

  “Do you have anyone you can go to?”

  Joon thought for a moment. “Not that I can think of…Oh wait! There is one person that I know.”

  “See. All you need to do is ask for help. Maybe they can let you stay with them for a while.”

  “Thanks. Maybe I’ll see you back here later.”

  “We’ll be here. Right, Salt?”

  The child nodded. “Bye, Joon.” The child gave her a quick hug. “When we come back, do you wanna eat dinner with us? Maybe I can sing to you again.”

  As Joon bent down to hug Salt back, she looked into the boy’s face. “That sounds great. It’ll give me something to look forward to.”

  Salt beamed and grabbed his mother’s hand. “I wanna go to the park. Can we go to the park, Mommy?”

  Madi ruffled the boys’ hair. “Yeah, baby, we can go to the park for a little while.”

  Joon watched as the mother and son walked away. Then she walked in the opposite direction.

  As Joon walked through the city, the icy air made her whole body ache. By the time she got to her destination, she was certain the blood had frozen in her veins.

  Chapter Fifty-Seven

  Joon looked up at the building before moving around the back. There, she saw the same thick, blue plastic, covering the doorway. She pushed the heavy plastic aside and entered the kitchen. The room was as she remembered: dark, lost, lifeless. She navigated around the people on the first-floor living space. Joon knew of the pain and suffering of the people around her. She hesitated for a moment, conjuring up the courage to keep moving forward.

  Homeless people were everywhere. Some were sleeping. A man in the corner of what was once the dining room looked up at Joon.

  “Hey, sweetie. Want me to warm you up?”

  Joon stopped and squinted at him, her mouth twisting. “Fuck you, asshole.”

  She continued to walk through the first floor. A girl no older than herself was leaning up against the wall. Joon couldn’t take her eyes off her. She had a belt tied around her arm and a needle in her other hand. She glanced up at Joon but seemed to look right through her. The girl focused on her arm again, slapping at her worn veins. She steadied her hand, inserted the needle, and pulled the plunger of the syringe back. It filled with a little blood, then the girl pushed the magic fluid into her arm. Her eyes closed, and she slumped further, the needle dangling from her arm.

  Joon was saddened to see another life claimed by drugs. During her time in Kensington, she’d known a few people who had become consumed by finding their next fix. Nothing else mattered to them, and they didn’t care who they hurt to get what they wanted. In Joon’s mind, drug addicts were the saddest of those who lived on the streets because they’d rather destroy themselves and everyone around them than face the awful reality of their lives. There was a weakness in drug addicts that she found both heartbreaking and repulsive.

  Joon tore her eyes away from the girl and pushed forward, taking the stairs to the third floor. Stepping into the room, she looked around at the group. Then she took a few more steps inside to get a better look. It had been a long time and she’d hoped to recognize at least one person. If she recognized no one, her plan was to make her way into one of the other groups in the house.

  “Hey!” a girl yelled.

  Joon turned toward the voice.

  The girl stood. “I know you.”

  Joon smiled, recognizing her. “Gia!”

  “Right!”

  Joon put her open hand on her chest. “Joon. The kid in the subway that stopped that boy who was hitting you. Remember?”

  “Oh man! Yes, Joon! How are you? I haven’t seen you in…” Gia went silent.

  “Four years.”

  Gia scratched her scalp. “Wow. Time flies. What are you doing here? Did you come in with a group of friends?”

  Joon flushed a deep crimson. “No. I’m by myself. I remembered you telling me that you always stayed here during the winter. I’m looking for a place to stay, so I took a chance that you still come here. I thought maybe I could hang out with you.”

  Gia turned and looked at the other girls. One of them was giving her a hard stare. “What’s the problem, Fipple? Why not?”

  “I remember that little shit from way back when,” she stated as she glared at Joon. “And I just don’t like her, so she should go find some other group of people to stay with.”

  Gia put her hands on her hips. “Fipple! You’re such a bitch.” She turned to the other girls in her clan. “What does everyone else think?”

  The other four girls mumbled and nodded.

  “Majority rules. Joon stays.”

  Fipple threw her empty soda can across the room. “Fine, but I’ll tell you right now, she ain’t my problem. If she brings us trouble, then she’s all yours. I’m tired of bailing your ass outta bad situations ’cause you trust every damn stray cat that crosses your path.”

  Gia flipped her hair over her shoulder. “Fine. But Joon ain’t gonna be a problem. She’s a nice girl.” She turned and looked Joon up and down cautiously.

  Joon moved closer to Gia. “I swear I won’t cause any problems. I just don’t have anyone.” She was desperate to find people she could call family. She knew that, on the streets, the critical path to survival is to have others around her that cared. Fearful Gia would decide to send her away, tears started to flow uncontrollably.

  Gia watched Joon for a moment, understanding, as they all did, the loneliness that accompanied homelessness. She embraced Joon. “You’re gonna be fine.” Gia
pulled back and turned to the other girls. “We all stick together like a family. Right?”

  A blond-haired, blue-eyed girl with pale skin spoke up. “Come over here and sit next to me. You’ll be all right.”

  Joon sat next to the girl.

  “I’m Lulu,” the girl offered. “I haven’t been here that long myself. I only met these crazy chicks about two months ago,” she said loud enough so they could all hear. The other girls smiled. “Anyway, since I’m the newer member, how about if I help you join in? You know, I’ll show you the ropes and make sure you know all the rules and shit like that.”

  Joon smiled at her. “I would like that. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. Now, grumpy over there,” she said, pointing to Fipple, “won’t be able to rag you anymore.”

  “I ain’t grumpy,” Fipple argued.

  The girls laughed, and Lulu took Joon’s hand and whispered, “She’s very grumpy, but we love that about her. It keeps us all out of trouble because she’s so unaccepting of outsiders. She was brutal when I first joined. She thought I was a plant for one of the pimps.” She paused for a moment, then asked, “You’re not a plant for a pimp, are you?”

  Joon met Lulu’s intense stare. The girl wasn’t kidding. “No, I’m not. I hate pimps.”

  “I see. It sounds like you know one personally.”

  Joon’s heart fluttered. “I…I…I’ve been on the street for a while. I’ve met all kinds of people.”

  “Sure,” Lulu said, studying Joon carefully. “You’re right. We all know assholes.”

  “Do you have any clothes or anything?” Lulu asked.

  “Yeah, but not much. I’m at a shelter right now. I sorta know the guy that runs the place, and he let me leave my stuff in his office today for when I go back tonight.”

  “Oh, that’s weird. They never do shit like that. Usually you wait outside for hours to get a cot.”

  “Like I said, I kinda know the guy through a friend who got me a bed for a couple of nights. When that’s over, I have to leave or wait in line all day to get in. That’s why I came here today…because I need something permanent,” Joon stated.

  “I get what you’re saying. So are you staying here tonight?”

  “No. I’m gonna go back and stay at the shelter tonight, then I’ll come back here tomorrow. You’ll be here, right?” Joon asked, feeling at ease with Lulu.

  “I’ll be here. Why would I ever want to leave this place?” Lulu chuckled, gesturing around the room.

  Back in the shelter that night, Joon told Madi all about the group of girls.

  Madi’s eyes sparkled and she perked up. “Where is this house?”

  Joon thought for a moment. “It’s not a place that you can bring Salt.”

  “Oh. Okay,” the woman said. She seemed a little disappointed. “Well, I hope you make good friends.”

  “Yeah, so do I…and that someday I’ll meet someone who can help me get off of the streets and into a real house. That would be so great,” Joon said with a whimsical tone.

  Madi rubbed her tired eyes. “Be careful about the people you meet who are willing to help you off the streets. Sometimes they’re pimps or drug dealers. They’ll sell you a bill of goods and then fuck you over the minute you’ve bought in. As for people who don’t live on the street, well, they don’t understand us, so you need to be careful. Some of them think they can catch homelessness. The only people you can really count on are the people who run the shelters,” she said, pointing to the people at the front doors. “They’re the only ones that won’t judge you ’cause you ain’t got all the normal things that regular people have. Now, I know you’re still young, but I predict someday you’ll be something great. I don’t why, but there’s something about you that’s gentle and…sincere. You hang on to that because it will help you one day.”

  Joon’s brow was furrowed as she listened to Madi’s speech.

  “You look confused,” Madi said.

  The girl smiled politely. “Oh, I’m fine. I’m just thinking about everything you said.” Joon had always wanted to do good things in her life and Madi’s words made her think she might have a chance.

  Salt climbed on Joon’s cot and sat close to her, and she put her arm around him.

  “Joon, does this mean I ain’t gonna see you no more?”

  “I hope not. I’m sure we’ll see each other again.”

  “Of course we’ll see Joon again,” Madi yammered, sparing Salt the sadness of never seeing his new friend again. She knew that although they’d only known each other for a day, Joon would be someone Salt would always remember. Most people avoided him because he was so different—Joon had treated him like he was the same as her.

  “Do you want me to sing to you?” Salt asked.

  “Yes,” Joon said. “I was hoping you would sing to me.”

  Salt climbed back onto his mother’s cot and laid on his side, facing Joon. As he sang in a soft, angelic voice, Joon closed her eyes and let herself feel at peace.

  Chapter Fifty-Eight

  The next morning as Joon entered the abandoned house, there were two twentysomethings yelling at each other. She stood and watched, making sure that it was still safe for her to enter. Pug was always in the back of her mind, and it was as if she expected him to show up at any moment and take her back to Kensington. She stayed close to the door as she watched, for a quick getaway if things turned bad.

  “You’re a rotten sonofabitch, Frank. You tried to steal my girl from me last night?”

  “No, motherfucker! That ain’t what happened. I didn’t come on to your woman. You couldn’t keep it up for her ’cause you were so fuckin’ high last night. So your woman gave me a visit. I didn’t ask for it. It just happened.”

  The man spun and looked at his girlfriend, who visibly cowered. “Did you fuckin’ come on to him?”

  The girl, on drugs herself, jumped to her feet. “Fuck you, Johnny. Every time I wanna little action, you can’t do it. So what if I had a little fun last night? I ain’t hurting nobody.”

  Johnny grabbed his girlfriend by the neck, but Frank pulled him off her. “Come on now, Johnny. Ain’t no harm done. Just a little bit of fun. Me and your girl, that won’t happen again. Okay?”

  Johnny let go of his girlfriend’s neck and looked into Frank’s eyes. “I’ll let it go this time, but don’t let me catch you two doing it again.” For good measure, Johnny pushed Frank into the wall behind him and walked away.

  Johnny’s girlfriend rushed to him and threw her arms around his waist. “I’m sorry, Johnny. I was feeling real lonely last night. Do you forgive me?”

  He looked down at her. “I forgive you this one time. But since you got to be with someone else, then I get to hook up with someone else too…so we’re even.” He scanned the room and his eyes landed on Joon.

  Joon stood tall and shook her head. “I don’t think so. You better find yourself some other bitch to be with ’cause it ain’t gonna be me. You come near me and I’ll kill you.”

  Johnny laughed at Joon and went about the business of finding another girl.

  Joon hurried out of the kitchen and up the stairs. When she stepped inside the room, Lulu rushed over to her.

  “Hey,” Lulu said, giving her a hug. “What was all the commotion downstairs?”

  Joon gave her a sly look. “Two druggies fighting ’cause one of the guys has a druggie girlfriend who slept with the other guy. Asshole who got cheated on wanted to have sex with me, so I had to threaten his life.”

  Lulu’s eyes bugged out. “Then what happened?”

  “Then he laughed and went to look for someone else.”

  Lulu touched Joon’s arm. “Weren’t you scared?”

  Joon shrugged. “A little, but look, you can’t let those kinds of people get the best of you. Once they smell your fear, they never leave you alone. Trust me, I know.” Joon set her canvas bag on the floor and pulled a brown paper bag out. Then, she reached inside and pulled out a bagel. She held the bag out to th
e girls. “Joey, the guy I know at the shelter, gave me some extras to-go to share with all of you.”

  Gia got to her feet, gave Joon a quick hug, and grabbed the bag from her. She and the other girls gobbled down bagels, and Joon handed the bagel she was holding to Lulu.

  “Thanks.” Lulu reached for the first bite of food she’d eaten since an apple twelve hours earlier.

  “Are you okay?” Joon asked, noticing that Lulu’s breathing was labored.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m getting over a cold and still a little congested.”

  They sat on the floor with the other girls as Fipple shoved a piece of bagel into her mouth and glared at Joon. “What’s your deal? Why don’t you have any friends? You’ve been on the street awhile.”

  Joon shrugged. “The kids I hung with moved on to other places.”

  Fipple scowled at her. “I call bullshit.”

  Lulu leaned in. “What’s your problem, Fipple? She just brought you something to eat, and you can’t even say thank you. Instead, you’re mean to her.”

  Fipple shifted her glare to Lulu. “I don’t have a fuckin’ problem, Lulu. And guess what? You’ve been here about two minutes, so why don’t you shut your trap?”

  Lulu smiled a brilliant smile that lit up her face. “I’m not afraid of you. None of us are afraid of you, and you don’t make the rules—we all decide on the rules together. So here’s the deal: stop being an asshole.”

  Fipple looked at the other girls, but none would meet her eyes. “Fine. You can all go fuck yourselves then. Don’t come running to me when you got a problem you can’t deal with.”

  Joon smirked and turned back to Lulu. “Do you wanna hang out today?”

  “Sure,” Lulu said. “Maybe we can get something hot to eat.”

  In the afternoon, Joon and Lulu left the abandoned house and headed east, where college dorms and apartments were situated. The cold moisture in the air penetrated their clothing, making their journey torturous.