Never Be Alone Read online

  Joon melted into Quinn’s body. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. You’ve been so good to me and I love being with you.”

  That night, the two of them lay quietly, each thinking of the demons from their past until they fell asleep hoping that the next day would bring something better.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  All through summer and well into the fall, Joon and Quinn were together most of the time. Their lives became intertwined, and while Joon wouldn’t have sex with him, they had experimented plenty.

  As fall neared, one night, Joon and Quinn sat by a fire at the Tracks, talking. “Winter’s coming again. I hate this time of year. It’s starting to get cold already. Maybe we can find a shelter this year,” Joon said.

  Quinn shook his head. “No shelters for us. Those places are more dangerous than living on the street. You know what happens there. Remember last year when Pringle had her shoes stolen? Beats the hell outta me how she let that happen. She knew better than to take her shoes off.”

  “Her shoes were too small and her feet hurt. She was just trying to get some relief,” Joon said, defending her deceased friend.

  “Yeah, you’re right.” Quinn kissed her gently on the lips. “Have I told you today how much I love you?”

  Joon smiled and shook her head. “Nope. Not today.”

  Quinn pulled her onto his lap. “Well, then, I love you, Joon. You make me whole. These past months have been the best of my life.”

  “I love you too, and we’ll always be together. We’ll have little Joons and Quinns running around someday.”

  Quinn kissed her deeply. “I’m counting on it. I know you’ll make the most beautiful babies.”

  Joon rested her head on Quinn’s chest. “So, if we aren’t going to spend time in shelters, then what are we gonna do for the whole winter?”

  “We’re gonna stay right here. When the temperature gets really bad, we’ll figure something out. I have some things in the works.”

  “Like what?”

  Quinn gently ran his hand over her breasts, and the sensation made Joon’s body tingle. He whispered, “You don’t need to worry all the time. Just let me take care of you. It makes me feel good to provide for you.”

  Joon held Quinn tighter. She knew they belonged together. A smile she couldn’t contain spread over her face. “You’re amazing,” she said.

  They stared at the flames poking out from the top of the barrel, and Joon couldn’t help but wonder what was in store for the two of them as winter approached. But she felt whole with the thought that her boyfriend would take care of her.

  The next morning, as Quinn made his way into North Philadelphia, Joon set out to see Tony Bruno in the Italian Market. After meeting him at the Slayers’ house, Joon had made it a point to visit once every two weeks, while Quinn went to see Pug. Joon liked Tony and enjoyed being around him. Not in the same way as she liked Quinn, but as a friend who she could share easy conversation with.

  “Morning, Tony,” Joon crooned as she walked through the door.

  “Hey, Joon! How are you?”

  Joon stood for a moment, taking in the smells of the bakery. “It’s starting to get cold again. I hate the winter.”

  Tony placed a large tray of cinnamon buns on the counter and walked over to her. He gave her a quick embrace as Donata stepped into the store from the kitchen.

  “Oh, hello, Joon,” the older woman greeted. “How are you doing? The weather will be changing soon. Where will you stay when it snows?”

  Joon laughed. “I don’t know yet. Donata. My boyfriend is trying to figure that out.”

  “Boyfriend. Every time you tell me that, I don’t like it. You’re too young to be with boys,” Donata remarked.

  “I’ll be fourteen in February.”

  “Fourteen? You’re a baby. How come I never see this boy?”

  Joon looked at the floor and let her hair hang over her face. “He works. That’s how I have money to buy goodies from you.”

  “I see. If he works, then why are you livin’ on the streets?” Donata asked with an edge to her voice.

  Joon gave a helpless glance in Tony’s direction, who jumped in. “Whoa. Now come on, Donata. Leave her alone. You sound like a mom.”

  “I was a mom, and now I’m a grandmother.” Donata was raising her granddaughter, Ruth, after the girl’s parents were killed in a car accident that had left the child a severely injured orphan.

  “Yeah, I know you are,” Tony said, sliding his arm over Donata’s shoulder. “I only wish I had a grandma like you.”

  “Oh, knock it off with that sweet talk,” Donata said, shooing Tony’s arm off of her. Then she turned back to Joon. “I mean it. I think you’re too young. But it’s none of my business, so I won’t bring it up again if I can help it.” She made her way behind the counter and pulled a bag from the shelf behind her. “What’s it gonna be today, Joon?”

  Joon picked her goods carefully. Quinn made money for them to eat, but not enough for her to be frivolous.

  That night, back at the Tracks, Donata’s worry played over in Joon’s head. “Quinn, I’m nervous about the winter. At least with Pringle I stayed at a shelter one night a week. I know you said you’re working on something, but can you please tell me what it is?”

  Quinn took her in his arms. “I hate to see you worry. I have some connections in Kensington. I’ve been working there a lot lately and I met some people. I’m not saying it’s a done deal, but I think it might work out to keep us both inside this winter.”

  Joon smiled, trying not to let her hopes get too high. “When will we know for sure?”

  “Hopefully by Halloween.”

  Quinn handed Joon a beer while he lit a joint. “You want some?”

  She shook her head.

  “Oh come on,” Quinn coaxed. “Take a hit. It’s not gonna kill you.

  Joon took the joint and sucked on the end. As the harsh smoke hit the back of her throat, she coughed uncontrollably. Joon took another drag and held it in her lungs. She felt herself relax and a haze gently settled over her mind and thoughts. The world looked different through high eyes; it wasn’t as scary, and life seemed filled with possibility.

  “That’s it,” Quinn said. “Take another hit. Before you know it, you won’t be worried about a thing.”

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Joon took several more hits of the joint before she looked at Quinn, her eyes drooping and her mouth hanging open.

  He chuckled. “How’re you feeling, babe?”

  She tried to form words, but nothing came out right. Her tongue was dry and stuck to the roof of her mouth.

  “All right, come on. I think we need to call it a night,” Quinn said, chuckling. He helped Joon up from the ground and got her snuggled into her cardboard home. She couldn’t command her body, and she drifted into a state of limbo, allowing herself to relax in Quinn’s arms. As she did, Quinn started to gently undress her.

  “Stop it,” she said, her voice garbled.

  He kissed her on the lips. “Now is the perfect time. There’s nothing more phenomenal than having sex when you’re on the kind of high you’re on right now.”

  She tried to shake her head but couldn’t be sure she actually did. “No sex. I’m not ready.”

  “That’s the A-bomb talking.”

  Joon lifted her head from the floor of the box. “What?”

  He gave her a sexy smile. “I took a little heroin off the top of my bags and sprinkled it on the joint we smoked. Great shit, isn’t it?”

  Joon shook her head, which set off a wave of queasiness. “I don’t feel so good.”

  Quinn grabbed a warm soda from his backpack. “Here, drink this.”

  She sipped the lemon-lime drink and her stomach settled. When she finished it, she handed the empty can to Quinn and lay back.

  He set the can aside and ran his hand down her chest. “So, I want you to relax. I’m gonna make you feel better than you ever felt in your life.”


  Joon opened her eyes a crack and shut them again as Quinn kissed her neck. Before she knew what was happening, he had undressed her and himself. He stroked her body softly, and as Joon moaned from the glorious feeling, he put his mouth between her legs. His tongue glided over her crotch like a satin ribbon. Joon arched her back and put her hand on the back of his head, pulling his mouth to her.

  With Joon on the verge of orgasm, Quinn entered her. Her insides clenched down on him, and Joon let out a small gasp. She knew what they were doing, and something in her told her to make him stop. But she couldn’t find the strength to fight her way through the drug-induced fog that made her body and mind go limp. Besides, what he was doing made her feel so good.

  Joon woke late the next morning. Her head was throbbing and she was disoriented. Feeling sick, she crawled out of the cardboard box to find Quinn.

  “What happened last night?” she asked.

  “You know what happened. You participated, remember?”

  Joon glared at him. Her legs were planted wide, her hands balled into fists. She felt like a bull ready to charge a matador. “Yeah, I remember. You wouldn’t take no for an answer.” She got on her tiptoes and put her mouth close to his ear. “What if I get pregnant?”

  Quinn chuckled. “You haven’t even gotten your period yet, so I don’t think that’ll be a problem. In fact, we should be doing it all the time before you start to get your period.”

  “Okay, so I can’t get pregnant, but I wasn’t ready to do it yet.”

  He ran his hand over her hair. “It’s not a big deal, Joon. Don’t make it more than it is. You liked it. And when you came, I couldn’t help but explode.”

  Joon was embarrassed. “Having sex is a big deal to me. I just thought it would be special.”

  Quinn was losing his patience. He’d done everything for Joon—he paid for them to eat and made sure she was safe. He stepped away from her. “It was special, Joon. Man, girls get so twisted about sex. It’s just sex. Look, if you don’t want to be with me anymore, that’s fine. You can go find someone else to take care of you.”

  Annoyed that he had violated her and was showing no remorse, Joon put her hands on her hips. “Fine,” she yelled. “I guess we’re breaking up then.” She turned on her heel and walked off.

  When she got to Rittenhouse Square, she flopped down on a grassy area, curled into a fetal position, and fell asleep under the warmth of the fall sun.

  “Hey, Joon!”

  She bolted upright out of her sleep and looked around.

  “TeTe!” she said when her eyes landed on him. “Where have you been?”

  TeTe sat on the grass next to her. “I’ve been all over the damn place. After I left you at the shelter last year, I heard about a shelter in Camden that allows couples. I got my girl, and we made our way over there. We stayed there all summer too. I’m back in Philly for a couple of days. I need to get my birth certificate, so me and my girl can get one of those public housing apartments in Camden. I worked for a company over the summer that paints houses, and they’re keeping me on for the winter. If I’m lucky, this could really turn into something for us.” He smiled as he updated her. “My girl got a job too. She’s waitressing at a local joint.” He looked carefully at Joon. “How’ve you been? You don’t look so great.”

  Joon tried to sit up straighter and smooth her hair down. “I’m doing good, TeTe. Have you seen Ragtop?”

  He shook his head. “No. Nobody’s seen her. Hey, how about that girl I left you with…Pringle, right? She still around?”

  Joon cringed at someone else mentioning her friend’s name. “No, she died.”

  TeTe looked around the park. “Wow. I’m sorry to hear that. She seemed like a real nice girl. You got people you’re hanging with?”

  Joon’s eyes welled with tears. “I did. But I blew it. I had a boyfriend. We broke up this morning.”

  “How come you broke up?” TeTe asked gently.

  Talking to TeTe was as close as she could come to talking to Ragtop again, so details started pouring out. “We had sex last night,” she confided.

  “You’re kinda young for that.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “But when you’re living on the streets, things tend to happen sooner. Did you break up because the sex was bad?” he said, trying to lighten her mood.

  “No.” Joon blushed and her shoulders slumped forward. “I never said I wanted to have sex. I smoked weed last night. I got real messed up…and we did it. I wasn’t ready.” She sighed. “I wanted to wait.” She hugged her knees and rocked back and forth.

  As they sat in silence, Joon remembered bits and pieces of what had happened the night prior. She had wanted Quinn to stop, but her body wouldn’t listen to her brain, and all too quickly he had been inside of her. She tried to put together everything that had happened, but she had been too high to remember all the details. She felt broken and used—and dirty.

  TeTe interrupted her morbid thoughts. “Do you love him?”

  “Yeah. I know it sounds stupid after what happened, but we love each other a lot. After Pringle died, he watched over me, made sure I ate, and stayed with me every night so I wouldn’t have to sleep alone. He’s a really good guy.” Her situation was starting to sink in more, and she was trapped between loving him and not wanting to be on her own again. “Maybe I’m overreacting.”

  “Sounds like he isn’t a total dick. Look, we all mess up. So you had sex before you wanted to. I know it sucks, but if he is good to you, maybe it’s not the worst thing in the world.”

  Joon leaned into the man. “Thank you, TeTe. Other than Quinn, I don’t have anyone else to share secrets with.”

  “Sure thing. I’m happy to help.” He paused briefly. “But one thing is bothering me.”

  “What?”

  “What are you doing smoking dope, huh? Don’t you know that shit will fuck up your life?”

  “I didn’t mean to. I just got carried away. I didn’t like it much; it made me feel sick. I didn’t have control over my body. I was stupid.”

  TeTe bit his bottom lip. “Yeah, you were real stupid. Look, it’s okay to have a beer once in a while, but once you start doing drugs, it’s all over. Your life on the street becomes hell ’cause you need a way to get more dope, and if you don’t have any money, you’ll do real crazy shit to get high. Things you’ll regret…like the stuff Ragtop did before I met her.”

  Suddenly overwhelmed, Joon threw her arms around TeTe’s neck and let herself cry. She cried for all she’d lost and all she never had, and the large, gentle man let her take as long as she needed.

  Before the two parted, TeTe treated Joon to a slice of pizza and handed her a five-dollar bill.

  “I’m not sure when I’ll see you again, given that I’ll be living in Jersey,” TeTe said. “You take care of yourself, little Joon.”

  They were the last words she heard before TeTe stepped onto a bus and left her standing alone in the streets of Philadelphia.

  Chapter Forty

  When Joon got back to the Tracks, Quinn was sitting on a log with a girl she hadn’t seen before. They were laughing, and the girl was hanging all over him. Joon glared at the twosome as she made her way over to another barrel fire and stood over it, rubbing her hands together. Every now and again, she glanced at the two of them—he seemed not to notice, and that left Joon with overwhelming sadness. Unable to take it anymore, she walked over and looked down on the two of them. The girl looked at Joon and then back at Quinn.

  “Can I help you?” Quinn insisted.

  “We need to talk,” Joon said meekly.

  He guzzled from his beer and scooted closer to the girl. “About what?”

  “About us.”

  “What about us, Joon? We broke up this morning, remember?”

  Joon looked at the rest of the group sitting around the fire. “I…I need to talk to you for a few minutes.”

  Quinn glared at her with a stone-faced expression.

  “Please,” she said quietly.


  Quinn pushed himself up from the ground. “Fine, but only a couple of minutes.” He turned to the girl he had been partying with. “Keep my seat warm. I’ll be right back.”

  Joon’s heart sank into her stomach, the full impact of losing Quinn hitting her hard. They walked out of earshot from the group, and Joon turned to face him, but she stared down at her ratty sneakers.

  “So what do you want?” Quinn asked.

  “I was upset this morning. I mean, I always imagined that when we finally made love, we would be somewhere special and it would be the most fantastic moment of our lives.”

  “Really, Joon? Are we talking about that again? I get it’s different for girls, but we both enjoyed it last night. When you moaned in my ear, I could hardly contain myself. Then when I felt you clamp down on me as you came, it was the greatest feeling I’d ever had with a girl. That’s how I know that you’re the one for me.”

  Joon eyes welled. Have I blown everything out of proportion? I feel like a fool for getting so upset with him.

  Quinn softly rubbed his thumb over her cheek. “You’re still the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”

  Joon blushed and relief coursed through her. “Really?”

  “Yeah, really, and making love to you last night was very special to me.”

  Joon pushed her long, blond hair away from her face. “So what are we gonna do now?”

  He rested his hand on her shoulder. “We’re gonna tell that bimbo over there waiting for me to piss off. Then, we’re gonna go into our box and make love, just like we did last night. How’s that sound?”

  “Scary, if I’m being honest. But I want to be close to you.” She reached up and held on to his arm, keeping it in place on her shoulder. “Just one thing. I didn’t like that you put heroin in the joint and didn’t let me know. I would’ve never smoked it.”

  “You’re right. I’m sorry. I thought it would be fun. I won’t do that again.”