Never Be Alone Read online

  “Thanks, Ben. When I left the church this morning, I didn’t expect that anything good would happen if I didn’t find Ragtop. But so many good things happened today that made my Christmas special,” Joon said.

  She snuggled up against the long tombstone in the ground. She clung to the hope that her life would get better. Even alone, without Ragtop, it was better than being in her foster home with Aron. I’d rather die on the streets than ever go back there again.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  As the sun rose the day after Christmas, Joon gathered her things from the cemetery and went back out onto the street. Her small, thin body was stiff and aching from the cold. She walked around the block and entered a hotel lobby on Arch Street.

  Joon quickly moved through the hotel and found a bathroom. She darted into a stall, locked it, and sat on the toilet, waiting for her body to thaw. She had been taught by Ragtop how to use bathrooms in public places. She stayed in the stall for an hour before emerging. At the sink, she washed her hands and face. While brushing her teeth, she looked at herself in the mirror and wondered who the broken child was that gazed back. Her eyes were ringed by dark circles, her cheeks and lips cracked and peeling. Her long hair looked like a cheap wig. She tried her best to clean herself up and look presentable, but it was no use. There was little she could do without a hot shower, soap, and shampoo.

  After leaving the hotel, she made her way to Rittenhouse Square, remembering that TeTe said he hung out there. As she walked through the square, she spotted him on the other side and ran to him.

  “Joon? Are you okay?” TeTe asked.

  “No. Ragtop never came back on Christmas Eve. I don’t have anywhere to go. I’ve been walking around for a couple of days.”

  “Oh, I’m so sorry, baby.”

  “Have you seen Ragtop?” she asked, holding her breath as she waited for an answer.

  TeTe rubbed at his chest. “No, I haven’t. It’s so damn cold that I’ve been staying at the men’s shelter. Me and my girl had to split up until this weather breaks. It’s gonna be bitter cold straight through New Year’s. We have to find you a place to stay.”

  Joon nodded. “I didn’t know where to go.”

  “Well, why don’t we take a walk down to a youth shelter? I know where one is. Maybe we can get you a bed there for the time being.”

  “Okay, but…” Joon looked away from TeTe.

  “But what, Joon?”

  “I’m really hungry.”

  “Well, we’ll grab donuts on our way there. How’s that sound?”

  “That sounds good. I got some money.”

  “Nah. This one is on me. You keep your money. You’ll need it later,” TeTe said.

  When Joon and TeTe arrived at the youth shelter, a line of kids ran two full city blocks. He walked her to the back of the line.

  She looked up at him. “What time will they let us in?”

  A girl in front of them turned and looked at Joon. “Not until two o’clock. So they won’t be giving us any lunch. They usually have snacks though.” She looked up at TeTe. “You know this is a youth shelter. They ain’t gonna let you in.”

  TeTe smiled. “Yeah, I know. This is my friend Joon. She doesn’t know her way around too well, so I walked her down. She’s new at this.”

  Joon gave the girl a shy smile.

  “Oh. My name is Pringle. I have a lot of experience. I’ve been homeless for almost two years.” She didn’t say it with much emotion, just matter-of-factly. “How long have you been out here?”

  Joon got great vibes from the girl, something she didn’t normally feel about someone she’d just met. “About four months. Where do you live when you aren’t at the shelter?”

  Pringle glanced at TeTe. “I can’t say. It’s a secret.”

  “Oh,” Joon said, suddenly embarrassed. “Sorry.”

  The other girl pushed her hair out of her eyes. “It’s cool. Anyway, I’m thirteen. How old are you?”

  “I’m almost thirteen. My birthday is in February.”

  As the hours passed and the sun shifted in the sky, the shadows from the large buildings made the waiting teens much colder. Joon and Pringle talked most of the time, getting to know each other while TeTe watched and engaged occasionally. He knew that Joon needed to find people her own age if she was going to survive on the streets. Just like the part of society that lives in houses, homeless people had to have a support network too.

  At one thirty in the afternoon, TeTe put his hand on Joon’s shoulder. “I have to get over to the men’s shelter or I’ll be screwed for the night. Will you be okay here by yourself?”

  “Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Joon said in a weak voice, mentally exhausted after all that had happened since Ragtop disappeared.

  Pringle smiled at TeTe. “Don’t worry. I’ll look after her. Joon can hang with me. The doors are gonna open soon anyway.”

  TeTe gave Pringle a nod. “I appreciate that.”

  Joon grabbed TeTe’s arm. “What about Ragtop? Will you look for her…tell her where I am?”

  TeTe knelt beside Joon. “Sure I will. I’ll ask around to find out where she might be. But listen, Joon, sometimes things happen with people. Ragtop taught you how to manage on the streets as best she could, and you need to take all those things you learned and use them now.”

  Joon’s eyes welled and she lowered her head to not let Pringle and TeTe see she was upset.

  “Don’t worry about it. You’ll be fine,” Pringle said as they watched TeTe leave. “I know lots of people, and sometimes they disappear and you never see them again. That can’t stop you from living. Shit happens, ya know?”

  “I don’t know what I’ll do if I never see Ragtop again,” Joon confessed.

  Pringle put her hands on her hips. “You ain’t got a choice but to keep on living. You’ll see… Being homeless sucks sometimes, but there are times when it’s really good.”

  Joon shoved her hands into her jean pockets. “I hope you’re right.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Joon and Pringle were a short distance from entering the shelter when a man in jeans and a flannel shirt stepped out onto the pavement in front of the door.

  “Sorry, everyone. We’re filled up. There’s a soup kitchen down on Porter Street if you want to try and grab a hot meal. We heard there are a few churches that have some room in West Philly. It’s cold, and the shelters are filling to capacity. I’m sorry. We open again tomorrow at two o’clock.”

  Joon was shivering, not only from the cold, but also from the sudden realization that she would have to spend another night wandering the city in search of shelter. From her bag, she pulled out her blanket and wrapped it around her shoulders.

  “Are you gonna share that or what?” Pringle said.

  Joon extended her arm and the two girls huddled together in the blanket on the sidewalk. “Where will you go?” she asked her new friend.

  “I have some options. I mean, they aren’t great, but there are a couple of places. You can come with me.”

  Joon, flooded with relief, nodded. “Thank you. I feel like my bones are frozen.”

  “All right, come on. Let’s get moving. We’re gonna make a stop and try to warm up a little before we make the walk. You got any money?”

  “Yeah,” Joon said through chattering teeth. “I’ve got about twelve dollars.”

  “Good, let’s go. We can stop at Wendy’s, grab something to eat, and sit in there for a while.”

  Inside the restaurant, the girls went up to the counter and ordered. They took their food and sat in a corner away from everyone.

  Joon took a bite of her burger. Her eyes closed as she chewed the warm meat. “Where are we going?”

  Pringle shoved fries into her mouth and took a few chomps. “Over near Thirtieth Street, next to the train tracks. There’s a group of kids that live there, but mostly when it ain’t cold. Lots of people move outta there in the winter, if they can find shelter, but there’s always someone there, and they got
a couple of barrels that we light fires in to keep warm. It ain’t the greatest, and you’re still outside, but at least you can warm up by the fire and get some sleep. It’s mostly boys.”

  A while later, when the two girls arrived at the site, there were barrels with blazing fires just like Pringle had said. Joon followed her new friend and stood in front of one of them.

  “Welcome to the Tracks,” Pringle said, stepping closer to the fire.

  “Who’s the new girl, Pringle?” Booz, the perpetually drunk boy, asked.

  “Everybody, this is Joon. Met her waiting to get into a shelter. Fuckers closed the door when we were almost there. Anyway, she ain’t got nobody,” Pringle explained.

  “Nice to meet ya, Joon. You’re cute,” Booz said, breathing the smell of whiskey into her face. “Do you need me to keep ya warm?”

  “Knock it off, Booz. You’re scaring her,” another boy said as he moved next to Joon.

  “I’m Quinn,” the boy said, giving Joon a warm smile. “Booz is harmless. He’s drunk, like always. Anyway, it’s good to have you here. Better than freezing to death.”

  Quinn was just under six feet tall. His long, brown hair partially covered his brown eyes, and Joon couldn’t help but notice how cute he was—and she liked that he stood up for her.

  There was trash scattered all over the ground, and tires and logs were sporadically lying about.

  Pringle grabbed her arm. “Come on. We gotta help get shit set up for the night.”

  Joon and the others pulled the tires and logs closer to the fires. Pringle dragged a large piece of cardboard in front of one of the logs to use as a mattress and looked at Joon. “We can share your blanket. I got an extra pair of gloves you can use. With the fire and our body heat, we’ll be fine. It’s nice having another girl to share with. Sometimes the boys can get grabby, not that boys being grabby is totally a bad thing.”

  “I’m definitely not interested in boys.”

  Pringle giggled. “Sometimes it’s good to kiss and stuff. It makes me feel closer to someone and I like that. Besides, it’s no big deal. Anyways, let’s settle in. The others who don’t get into a shelter will be coming here, and we wanna spot close to the fire.”

  Joon followed Pringle, and the two girls covered themselves with the blanket. The frozen earth felt like concrete beneath them. As the minutes passed, Joon became uncomfortably numb. “The ground is so hard and cold,” Joon said.

  “You’ll get used to it. Besides, after we lay here a while, the ground will soften up some.”

  Joon thought for a moment. “Let’s spread my clothes out under us. That’ll make it warmer.”

  Pringle smiled. “You’re smart as hell.”

  Once the girls settled down again, Pringle fell asleep quickly. Joon watched the boys as they sat and talked. Knowing she needed to sleep, she concentrated on the puffs of vapor as her breath was released into the night air. She was comfortable with Pringle, but she missed Ragtop terribly. Her eyes welled, and as she sucked in a sharp breath, Pringle’s eyes sprang open and she looked over at her.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  “You wouldn’t understand.”

  “Try me. All of us here have been through crazy things,” Pringle assured her.

  “When I ran away from home, I met Ragtop. She’s like a mom to me, ya know? I’ve been living with her since late September. Then, on Christmas Eve, she never came back for me. I don’t know what happened to her and I’m worried she’s been hurt.”

  “Look, Joon, all kinds of things happen to people living on the streets. Where did Ragtop go when she left?”

  “She was out…making money for us,” Joon said.

  “Making money how?”

  “Selling stuff.”

  Pringle pressed herself up on her elbow. “Is Ragtop a hooker?”

  Joon nodded. “Yeah, but she wasn’t working for a pimp,” she added quickly.

  “That doesn’t mean anything. She’s probably into drugs,” Pringle said.

  “Why would you say that?”

  “’Cause I know lots of hookers. Most of them take drugs so they can sell their bodies. I mean not all of them. I know a couple of hookers that don’t take drugs, but they mainly stick to hand jobs and blow jobs.”

  Joon’s eyes bugged out and her mouth was gaping open. “What do you mean?”

  Pringle scratched at the dry, cracking skin on her hand. “A hand job is where you, ya know, pull a guy’s thing and a blow job is where ya suck on it.” She lowered her voice into the slightest whisper. “Sometimes, I’ll do things for guys to make a little money, but only when I really have to, like when I’m so hungry that my stomach feels like it’s eating itself.”

  Joon’s own stomach fluttered with nerves. This was more than she wanted to know, yet she wanted to know more at the same time. “How is that different from selling your body?”

  “Those are the girls who will do whatever the buyer wants. You know, they have sex with guys, real sex. Those are the ones that get into drugs. How else could they get through that kinda stuff?” Pringle pulled in a long breath. “Those girls, some boys too, will let the buyers put their things anywhere they want.”

  Joon pulled her head back and pushed her shoulders forward. “Boys do that too?”

  “Yeah. I know hookers that are boys and girls. I mean, I think they’re all called hookers.” She tilted her head to the side. “I guess I’m a hooker too. I don’t do it all the time, but I still do it. Anyway, that’s just life. It’s part of being on the streets. We all do shit we don’t wanna do. You will too.”

  Joon shook her head slowly. “I’m never doing that. Not ever.” The thought of anyone touching her in that way made her queasy. She’d never understood how Ragtop went through with it. Now, hearing Pringle did it too, her stomach churned. It wasn’t that Joon thought she was better than either of them, but it seemed like the worst violation that anyone could endure—all she could compare it to was when Deen had assaulted her.

  Pringle gave Joon a sad smile. “You’ll do all kinds of crazy shit when you’re hungry enough…or cold enough. It’s not something I like doing, but man, when you feel like you can’t live another day without something decent to eat, that’s when doing nasty things doesn’t seem so bad.”

  Joon thought back to the time that Aron fried up worms from the yard. “If you want to eat, this is your only option. Otherwise, you can just starve,” she’d said.

  Joon hadn’t eaten in four days at that point, and she’d eaten every last worm that Aron put on the plate. Pringle is right, she thought. We are all capable of doing awful things when we’re hungry.

  She propped herself up on her elbow and looked into Pringle’s face. “Do you think that Ragtop sells whatever people want? Do you think she’s that kinda hooker?”

  Pringle shrugged. “I don’t know. I ain’t never met her before. I think since she never came back for ya she probably is.”

  Joon lay back and pulled the blanket up under her chin. The moon was covered by thick clouds, and she gazed up into the starless sky. “Ragtop told me she used to take drugs but that she stopped doing that a long time ago.”

  Pringle lay flat on her back next to Joon. “Maybe she started again. You never know. But look, you’re here now. If you stay cool, this group will take you in. We watch out for each other. And I’ll tell ya right now, it’s better than being alone.”

  Joon curled into a fetal position and closed her eyes. She tried to clear her mind the way she’d done when she lived with Aron. She needed sleep. Tomorrow is another day. Besides, Pringle is right—I have new friends, she reminded herself.

  As she lay there trying to sleep, it snowed. The flakes came down hard and quickly covered the surfaces. Joon and Pringle got up and scurried around, picking up cardboard. They crawled back under the blankets, laid all the cardboard they’d collected on top of them, laid back, and watched the snow fall.

  “I remember when I lived with my foster family,” Joon began,
“when I was in school and it snowed, my teachers would let us look out the windows. They said that the snow made everything look new, it covered up the bad things, and that should make us happy. The snow never made me happy though. I always knew that under the pretty, white covering, there was ugly stuff waiting to come out again.”

  Pringle snuggled closer to Joon. “Yeah, I know how you feel. But for me, the darkness ain’t so scary because that’s where I always lived. At least in the darkness I know what to expect. I get to know the bad guys and stay away from them. Out there in the light, there’s no telling what can happen.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Joon woke early the next morning. Her body felt as though it had frozen into the fetal position, which she had slept in. Her bones felt brittle. The raw skin on her face burned and her chapped, split lips bled when she opened her mouth. Pringle stirred next to her, her eyes slowly fluttering open.

  “Hey,” Joon said, her jaw was tight from the cold. “Let’s get outta here. It’s freezing.”

  Pringle stretched her hardened limbs. “Yeah, it’s fuckin’ cold.”

  The two girls had to work to get the cardboard that lay on top of their blankets off them. Two inches of new snow had fallen and was frozen solid. It took them a few tries to break free. As they stood at the Tracks, the girls each put an arm around the other’s waist and, with their other arm, held the blanket tightly around their shoulders.

  “Now what?” Joon asked.

  “Now we walk until we find somewhere we can hang out for a while.”

  “Let’s go to the library. I always used to go there. You can get washed up in the bathroom. Maybe sit down and read,” Joon said.

  “Yeah, okay. But I ain’t reading. I don’t like to read.”

  Joon jerked her head sideways, her mouth hanging open. “You don’t like to read? It’s great. You find a book and you get lost in it. You know, like you’re living someone else’s life. Makes you forget about your own shitty life for a while.”